Where the Hell is Everybody!?

It was Friday morning. The tail end of the last week in July.

Melanie and I had been trying to diet... but of course we live in one of the food capitals of the world, so two guesses how well that has been going. Still, Friday night is cheat night, and I was already thinking about what I wanted for dinner.

Chinese food sounded really good, but there was something else I was craving. Then it hit me. Heat. I wanted some really spicy Chinese food! A few months back my friend Steve mentioned a fiery Sichuan place in his neighborhood so I texted him to ask what it was called.

"Deux Fois Plus de Piment" (Basically that means: Two Times More Pepper).

Hell, yeah!  JACKPOT!

Super spicy Chinese food with an ice cold Tsing Tao beer? Yes please!

I ate a light lunch and literally spent all day thinking about peppers. I could smell them... I could taste them. I texted Melanie: "I am SO excited about this meal tonight!!!!"

But about 15 minutes before quitting time my "friend" Steve completely shattered my dreams. We were talking about the restaurant when he suddenly blurted out, "Sorry, dude. I just went to their website and it looks like they are closed."

After demonstrating (for the entire office) my growing knowledge of French swear words I calmed down enough to inquire (through a few tears), "For the love of God... Whyyyyyyy?"

Steve reminded me that many people in Paris take their vacations in August, most heading off to a beach somewhere.

A lot of Parisians take two to four weeks of vacation in August.

Yeah, okay, I knew about the August/beach thing. I just hadn't realized that it was going to affect ME! I frantically tried to find another restaurant, but my second choice was also closed, prompting me to share a few more French swear words.

I finally found a Sichuan place near our apartment with good reviews, and Melanie and I had a very nice dinner. Not a big deal. I still wasn't aware of the trouble to come.

I normally eat lunch at home on Mondays and Wednesdays so Melanie and I can get ready for our evening French class. Only there are no French classes this month because, you guessed it, everyone is on vacation! Still, it was a beautiful day so I decided to come home anyway, figuring we could have a nice lunch on our balcony. But what to eat? Steve and I frequent a super good sandwich place called "Jambon Buerre Cornichon", and I've been wanting Melanie to try one of their specialties, so that seemed like a perfect choice!

Jambon Buerre Cornichon is a fantastic sandwich place about 10 minutes from Pretty Simple.

I'm sure you can guess where this part of my story is going. Yep.
CLOSED.

I was really in the mood for a sandwich, so I checked Google for other shops in the area. The next best sandwich place was also closed but I eventually found a spot a few blocks away. Melanie and I had a nice lunch on our balcony, basking in the midday sun.

Back at the office I told Steve about the closures. He laughed, "Yep. I told you about Paris in August, right?" Yeah, he did, but I was only now starting to wonder how deep this 'August in Paris' conspiracy really went.

I was about to find out.

Last Christmas our daughter and her fiance came to visit and we had an awesome time, but Melanie and I were a little chagrined that we didn't know more good restaurants for them to visit.

We vowed to do better next time, and since December we've been branching out, trying new places, and compiling a list of our absolute favorite eateries. When Autumn told us she was coming for a 5 day visit starting August 15 we were very excited because we knew exactly where we wanted to take her!

We have a few weeks before she arrives so we are still "auditioning" new places. This afternoon I called Mel and said, "Hey, if you are feeling up to it tonight, let's try that place Steve recommended a few months ago: Le Servan! See if it should go on our list!"
CLOSED from July 27 to August 23.

Hmm. I e-mailed Boyoung, a lovely young Korean woman from our French class, and asked the name of the local Tapas restaurant she raved out. She wrote back: "A. Noste".
CLOSED from July 30 to August 23.

Melanie has been wanting clams so perhaps we could go to that really great seafood place, Clamato?
CLOSED until August 23.

I started to get a sinking feeling. What about our carefully cultivated list? I began checking the names:

Frenchies
CLOSED

The Beast (that amazing BBQ restaurant we've been raving about)
CLOSED

Philou
CLOSED

Every single restaurant on our list is going to be closed while Autumn is here!

Why aren't more people talking about this? Where is the news media?  Where is CNN??? Doesn't anyone care about all the tourists who come here in August? It's like they spent a bunch of money to visit Disneyland only to discover that all the best rides and attractions were shut down for the summer! How can this be allowed to happen? What the hell, Paris!?

Okay, okay... maybe I'm overreacting... maybe I'm trying to make a molehill out of a mountain. All is not completely lost, right? After all, there are still some restaurants in Paris that are open. They don't ALL shut down. We've been working on a new plan for Autumn's visit and it looks like this:

Monday - McDonalds
Tuesday - Subway
Wednesday - Pizza Hut
Thursday - That cheap Crepe/Kebab/Hamburger joint on the corner
Friday - Airport Cafeteria

<sigh>